Crossroads

Sandwiched with maybes and ifs.

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I'm feeling better,

The kind of better that keeps

Me on my toes;

The kind of happy that

Makes me smile, a bit;

It is the emotion that is between

Euphoria and Anxiety

In the midst of laughter and tears;

It is the victory that never

Lets me shot for joy

Because I never know

If am really sure;

It is the kind of love

That never lets me sleep at night

Although I'm dead tired and weary;

It is the moment when

I wake up prematurely

When I just dreamed about my crush;

It is that time in my life

When I chose the kiss

Even when I know that 

It wasn't going to last.

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*Picture from http://www.sleepdisordersguide.com

WHY

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I've been feeling so down lately and I just want to let it all go here. Since almost all of my posts here are from those not so good days.

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It was so hard letting you go

It took me forever

And I tried fooling myself

That I was successful In doing so

But deep inside I know I wasn't

But I lived with it

Taking each day as it comes

Moving you into my periphery

Into the sidelines but you're still there

And when I felt that I'm finally making peace

With our past, I was happy

It was a bittersweet victory

But a victory nonetheless

Then you came back in the picture

Offering a second chance that I really didn't need

And yet I took it wholeheartedly

With what's left of it, that is,

Good thing I took notes

During the first time I was moving on

I believe that I have to do it again

You are hurting me with your distance

And indifference 

Please do not comeback.

I don't want to go through it all over again.

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*Picture from shejustnotthatintoyou.files.wordpress.com

Downpour

All the good stuff?! Right.

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I woke up

With the sound of raindrops

And I immediately

Thought of you

And of that day

When you shook me

Off my slumber 

And told me that raindrops

Should be our models in loving.

With a sleepy confusion

I asked you why

And you answered with

That lopsided smile 

And a hint of mischief in your eyes,

"They're not afraid to fall,

 In fact that's not all they do;

 They also give and return."; 

"Give and return what?" I mumbled, 

"Love, blessings, happiness?

All the good stuff." 

I looked at your pillow,

At your side of the bed,

And wished it was summer.

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*Picture from

Nightmarish

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When nights become

Unbearable and the

Heaviness of the moonlit 

Sky weighs down on me

 I start willing my

Mind not to think 

Of anything

To make my body

Numb, even lifeless 

To a degree

I try very hard 

Not to breathe

Or move because

I fear that any sudden

Movement no matter

How small

Will connect me to 

My thoughts;

That I don't want 

To think about, 

To my dreams;

That is now haunting me, 

To my heartache;

Who brought upon me

Nights like this,

And to you,

Who tortures me 

Because you are not here. 

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*Picture from 4.bp.blogspot.com

Touched

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I tried holding my hand once

Not because I felt cold

Or it has gotten dirty

I did it because 

I was trying to get back

To that time in the past

When all I ever did was

Love you the best way

I could

It was a phase when

I woke up with butterfly kisses

Moments when I breathe

What you exhaled

It was during those nights

That I loved you the most

I felt connected

Not only to you

But to us and to a future

And yet no matter how long

I held my own hand

I did not feel you there.

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*Picture from besilentbestill.wordpress.com

Wiped Out

After 5 months, I saw you. But you didn't see me.

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I saw you today

Wiping the windows

Looking so strange

I saw you today 

Huge distance between us

When I'm only 

A few meters away.

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*Picture from http://www.totalclean.co.ukg

Lapses

Stop to think. Think to stop. 

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There are still times

When my mind goes empty;

Free of thoughts and dreams,

Of fears and failures,

A state of complete blankness

Utter absence of all

And like the first rays

Of the sun at dawn

Thoughts of you

Shine on me

Haunting my mind

Like a plague,
An infestation of sorts,
A slow painful death,
With a cure but not a hope.

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*picture from farm3.static.flickr.